Remembering
by PsychoPicasso
Summary: You'd think he'd remember, I mean it doesn't happen everyday. WARNINGS: Major Character Death, Mentions of sexual interaction, and slight Destiel.


**Authors Note- **Finally I've written the Tragedy fic I've had on my mind since December. Maybe now my angsty endings will disappear? xD

**Disclaimer- **If Djinns were real, I think I would let one get me _just _so I could live the dream of owning Supernatural, It'd be totally worth it.

**Warnings: **Destiel, Mentions of sexual interaction, Major character death.

~Enjoy…

Xxx ….. xxX

Dean came to full awareness with a jolt. He took a deep breath as if he had been underwater for a long period of time, but it didn't satisfy. If anything it felt unnecessary.

There was a heavy feeling in his gut, as if something horrible was going to happen. He looked to his right and was pleased to note that Sam was in fact okay, and in his bed asleep. Dean allowed a small smile to grace his face, but it quickly faded as he looked to his left.

Castiel was in the other bed in the room, which was strange since angels supposedly didn't need sleep. Castiel's usually calm face was creased in a frown, he looked very disturbed, and he was making pained noises in his slumber. That was what must've woken him.

Dean had half the mind to wake the angel up, but doesn't get the chance as a sharp jolt of pain lances through his head. Images flood before his eyes.

The scent of smoke mixed with the underlying tang of blood, the feeling of overwhelming heat at his back while a never ending stream of thick liquid glides endlessly through his fingers onto the hard surface beneath him. Cerulean orbs looking down at him with unshed tears in their depths.

The memories leave as quick as they came, leaving confusion and a heavy feeling of dread in his gut. Maybe something already happened, and Dean had been powerless to stop it.

He's so busy thinking over the images; that he barely registers the fact that he isn't breathing.

Xxx …. xxX

Dean goes in and out of awareness, constantly zoning out for long periods of time through-out the night; his mind and eyes simply focusing on nothing. Until Cas begins to stir. He looks anything but peaceful.

Dean has half the mind to just shake him awake and demand to know what the hell is going on, but doesn't get the chance before Cas opens his eyes.

The color of sapphire invades his senses once Cas finally decides to open his eyes, but they look duller than the usual shocking brightness he's used to them having.

They look almost dead.

Dean shudders involuntarily at the sight. Cas lifts his arm and drags a hand through his unruly hair. Dean would laugh at the sight if he weren't so concerned and confused.

Cas' eyes drift a bit after opening before finally landing on Dean. They become glassy and Castiel makes a huge sigh. It's a while before either one speak, but when it happens, Cas is the one to break the silence.

"Let go, Dean." The angel says sadly.

Dean just frowns in confusion.

"Let go? Cas, what's going on?" Dean asks.

"You don't remember it; do you?" Cas asks him in a soft depressed tone.

Dean shakes his head no, then looks away. "What happened?"

The angel's eyes become distant, and then become hard, as if remembering a painful memory. Cas doesn't meet Dean's eyes when he turns back, just simply turns onto his side facing away from Dean, effectively cutting off any and all conversation.

They spend the rest of the night in silence.

Xxx … xxX

The next morning Dean is pulled back to awareness by the sound of Sam slamming the bathroom door shut behind him, and the shower starting shortly after.

The first thing Dean does is look over to where Cas was sleeping the night before, only to find him missing. He instantly begins searching the room for the angel; he isn't there. He's just about to call out to Sam when he hears the door unlocking and Cas walks in carrying a take-out bag with grease stains on it.

Dean lets out a sigh of relief and walks toward Castiel.

"Hey Cas."

The angel looks up and tears begin to form in his eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean asks him urgently, moving to stand in front of him.

"Everything." Cas says so softly, that if Dean hadn't been paying attention he would've missed it.

Dean's eyebrows curl in confusion once again. He's just about to ask Castiel what that means, when Sam comes out of the bathroom.

"Thanks Cas." Sam simply says as he sits down and pulls a container of salad out of the bag sitting on the small kitchenette table.

Cas doesn't reply, just looks away from Dean and joins Sam at the table, taking off his jacket. Dean walks over and looks Cas in the eye.

"What in the hell is going on?" Dean demands.

He's had enough of this cryptic angel crap, he wants to know what happened and he wants to know now dammit!

Cas ignores him and continues looking down the table. Dean's just about to start throwing punches at this point. Since Cas won't answer, he turns to Sam.

"Sam, why won't you guys tell me anything!?" Dean shouts.

Sam doesn't even blink. He just continues poking at his salad and typing on his laptop.

At that moment another jolt of pain similar to the one he had last night cuts through Dean's train of thought.

Images of Cas beneath him, the feeling of pure ecstasy and pleasure overwhelms him. There's the slick slide of skin beneath his fingertips followed by the texture of hair running easily through his fingers. The sound of Cas moaning his name and the feeling of lips on his own.

He can feel himself penetrating Cas, his release imminent. There's the feeling of stubble against his neck, a pair of slightly chapped lips trailing their way down his neck, leaving small bites behind in their place. Lastly the shocking color of sapphire staring up at him, a look that could only be described as love buried in their depths. It's all too much.

He snaps back to reality with Castiel looking at him with sad eyes. He's more confused than ever.

"Castiel, I will ask you one more time. What happened?"

Cas opens his mouth several times, as if deciding on the correct wording then changing his mind.

"Hey, I found something." Sam says, his face serious.

Dean groans in frustration but nonetheless turns to face his brother.

"What in the he-"

"So a few towns over there's some pretty gruesome killings going on in the woods, their blaming a rouge bear. But judging by comparing the witness statements with the coroner's report, I'd say it's a wendigo." Sam states, cutting Dean off.

Sam then proceeds to slam the lid on his laptop shut and walks over to the beds to put it in his duffel bag. Dean watches as Sam grabs the impala's keys off of the nightstand and walks towards the door.

"C'mon Cas, we've got people to save." Sam says while strolling out of the door, not pausing to see if Castiel is following him.

Xxx … xxX

Dean's sitting in the backseat of the impala, more pissed off than ever when he finally decides to speak.

When Dean had asked Sam for the keys, his younger brother had simply ignored him and gotten into the driver's seat. Cas had followed Sam out, and glanced in Dean's direction before simply saying, "Let go" again and then shook his head and got in the car. Dean had then begrudgingly gotten into the backseat, the door barely shutting before Sam gunned the engine. It was thirty miles later that Dean had decided enough was enough.

"Ok, you guys got me! Ha ha ha, jokes over now." Dean says, his forest green eyes lit up with anger.

Sam keeps on driving, not even sparing a glance in Dean's direction. Cas looks up and meets his eyes in the rearview mirror before turning his head to look at the scenery quickly flying by outside.

"Seriously guys, cut it out." Dean says.

Cas lets out a deep sigh before sinking back in the seat, closing his eyes.

Dean scoffs and turns to the window, his eyes shining with tears of frustration. Why won't they talk to him? What had he done to anger them this much?

Dean doesn't make any other attempts to talk with them until the next town. Sam pulls the impala into a diner about twenty minutes later. Sam and Cas get out of the car, and Dean follows.

Sam chooses a booth in the back, sitting across from Cas and Dean. A plump waitress by the name of Judy approaches them not much later and smiles when she sees them, but it quickly fades when she sees the depressing look on both faces of Sam and Cas.

She clears her throat and pastes a warm smile on her face before asking for their order. Sam orders a salad (as usual) and Cas orders a bacon cheeseburger, Dean doesn't even try to talk to her. Dean's confused, usually Cas would refuse any and all offers of food. After Sam and Cas finish, she nods and walks away to put the order in.

Sam starts making small talk with Cas, who isn't very responsive.

"Alright Cas, what's up with you? You keep spacing out and you've been distant since yesterday."

When Cas doesn't answer, Sam flares his nostrils and lowers his tone.

"I know you miss him, but he's gone. The only thing we can do is kill as many sons of bitches as we possibly can, try and make him proud."

Cas looks up with fury in his eyes.

"You underestimate the grief I feel for him Sam," Cas pauses before continuing. "He was the one who taught me about feelings, how to live…" Cas met Dean's eyes as he said the next part. "…He was the one who stole my heart."

Dean is taken back. Cas can't be talking about him, he's still here. He isn't dead. He can't be dead….Right?

Xxx …. xxX

_The scent of smoke carries through-out the building, following them as they try to make their escape._

_Cas is carrying Dean, trying hard not to jostle him too much. Sam is right beside them, constantly looking behind them with worried looks, watching the flames to make sure they don't get closer. Blood runs thickly from Dean's side, staining his shirt as they run._

_The Winchesters and Castiel had shown up in town a week prior hunting a creature that was shredding people to bits, little did they know this hunt would turn out to be a disaster._

_After entering the warehouse they had followed the monster of the week too, all hell broke loose. The monster had apparently known they were following him and had been standing behind the door. _

_Sensing the great power in Castiel, he had thrown him across the room with his strength, sending him flying through the heavy cement wall at the far end of the room. Sam was next. _

_The monster, knowing it couldn't take on two hunters at a time, had then kicked Sam into a rusty beam nearby that had been supporting the ceiling, knocking him unconscious. The beam had then fallen down and crushed a few gasoline cans that had been lying nearby, causing a puddle of the highly flammable liquid to spread across the floor._

_It had then turned to Dean, the claws on its fingers, long and deadly, began to lengthen. Dean had raised his .45 and shot the damn thing in the shoulder; it let out a scream and then lunged. It took Dean down and had him pinned on the ground._

_Dean screamed bloody murder as the monster's claws tore into his side, taking out most of the flesh and muscle below, creating a huge hole. Blood poured out of him and onto the ground; he knew he'd be dead within minutes. Dean faintly remembered Cas showing up and taking out the monster before kneeling down beside him, pulling him into his lap, and placing his hand on his forehead. _

_Nothing happened._

_Cas kept trying to heal him, closing his eyes in concentration. Sam had shown up minutes later tears shining in his eyes as he assessed his brother's condition. Dean was bleeding out, and there was nothing they could do to stop it, he'd be dead before they reached a hospital. Sam told Cas to zap him to one, and he had tried. He tried so hard, but there was apparently a spell on the place that blocked his powers, Dean was screwed. But that didn't mean they were giving up._

_Sam jerked out of his jacket and tied it around the hole in Dean's side, Dean watching with heavily lidded eyes as he did so. Then Cas had picked Dean up bridal style, just as a spark from a nearby socket had shot out, lighting the gasoline on the ground. Cas gripped onto Dean harder and began to run for the door, Sam running ahead of them. Dean met Cas' eyes when he looked down and Dean let out a small sad smile._

"_I love you." He whispered._

_Cas' eyes had gone wide and his pace stuttered, but then resumed as he found brand new motivation to get them the hell out of there. But it didn't matter,_

_Dean wasn't breathing._

_Xxx ….. xxX_

Dean looked up at Castiel with wide eyes.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do, but now he couldn't. He was dead.

Sam's eyes widened a little before he cleared his throat and said he needed to get some air. Cas watched as Sam walked through the diner's cheap front doors and began to pace outside, Sam was obviously trying to get his emotions under control.

"I'm sorry." Dean eventually choked out.

Cas looked confused. "Whatever for?"

"There was so much I wanted to tell you. So much I should've done." Dean broke off, looking towards Sam.

"He needs you now. We'll talk later, can you go comfort him?" Dean asked Castiel.

"Of course." Cas said nodding.

Dean followed Cas with his eyes as he walked towards the diner doors and proceeded to walk through them.

Cas came to stand in front of Sam and put a hand on his shoulder. Sam slowly turned to face Castiel.

"I-It's just…h-he can't be…" Sam stuttered.

Cas pulled him into an awkward hug, and Sam tensed. Sam sat there for a few seconds before he began to sob into Castiel's shoulder.

"H-he can't be gone." Sam sobbed.

Cas just kept whispering soft reassurances in his ear, knowing it was useless but not ignored.

"It's ok, Sam." Cas whispered.

Xxx … xxX

**Authors Note- **I will probably add onto this or make it part of a verse, I'm not sure which yet. I only intended it to be a one-shot but then I got flooded with ideas. So I will probably be making a second chapter and follow up stories.

Thanks so much for reading! If you have time I would love it if you left a review to tell me how I did, I appreciate, read, and respond to every single one! :)

Haben gute Wochen,

~PsychoPicasso


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